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2020.04.19 20:08 CozyGhosty It’s Always Snowy in Montreal — Episode 02: ‘Woolie Makes a Snuff Film’ (SCRIPT)

PREVIOUS EPISODE
4:51 PM
On a Friday
Somewhere in Montreal, QC
Fade in — Subway interior
[The zaibatsu are shown standing together, waiting for the metro to arrive. Matt and Pat are engaged in a heated argument while Woolie and Liam stand to the side pretending as if they don’t know them]
MATT: You can’t ACTUALLY believe that, right? You’re fucking with me, surely.
PAT: Believe what you want to believe, man. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you once shit goes down. First Beastars, and now Animal Crossing? In such a precise window of time? Nope, no way that’s a coincidence.
[Matt throws up his hands, exasperated]
MATT: Furries are NOT brainwashing the general population!
PAT: I NEVER SAID IT WAS BRAINWASHING. They’re just—They’re softening us up. Drip-feeding little bits of furry propaganda into pop culture, until all of a sudden, one day, WHAM — Justin Trudeau says it’s legal to fuck dalmatians.
MATT: People have been making furry cartoons and shit for decades and you’re only taking issue with it now?
PAT: That’s the thing, though! They’ve been playing the long con! It all started in the 80’s with Thundercats. Now, that was just them dipping their toes in the water, because those characters were mostly human… but then Redwall happens…TMNT…Space Jam…Zootopia…and now look at us with Beastars: Teenage girls worldwide want to bang that stupid sexy deer wearing the blazer.
MATT: I don’t—
PAT: I mean, you want hard, concrete evidence? Look no further than the Sonic fandom. Tens of thousands of hours have been spent drawing fan-art of Sonic getting impregnated and pissed on! That poor hedgehog has suffered all manner of buggery and cock and ball torture at the hands of his sexually confused, thirteen year old playerbase and did SEGA discourage that behaviour? No, THEY MADE AN OFFICIAL GAME WHERE YOU CREATE YOUR VERY OWN SONIC OC. They knew EXACTLY what they were doing.
MATT: THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE THOUGH. WHAT COULD THE GOVERNMENT POSSIBLY GAIN FROM TURNING THE WORLD INTO FURRIES?
PAT: Lizard-men.
MATT: …C’mon, man.
PAT: I’m serious. They’ve been biding their time, waiting in the shadows and slowly but surely warming us up to the prospect of living with animal-people. Y’know, some cute comics here, a game there. Then, when they finally integrate with society, we’re meant to welcome them with open arms!
PAT: Well, I’m not falling for it, Matt. Everyone thinks living with anthros would be fun and whimsical, like a Disney movie. Then one day you get in a fender bender and a fucking SHARK fucking WALKS out of the Volvo you just hit! There wouldn’t be enough free space in my pants to handle how much I’d shit myself. Besides, you really want to live in a world filled with sentient horse-men? None of us could ever get a girlfriend again! They have cocks the size of baseball bats! If they learn how to not think all stupid it’s game over for the rest of us. ‘Horseporn.com’ would go from a funny punchline to a harbinger of humanity’s fate.
[Woolie, sensing that the argument is about to devolve into an embarrassing slap-fight, intervenes and attempts to divert attention away from the ongoing discussion]
WOOLIE: SO — Uh, you mentioned Animal Crossing. How about that, huh? There’ve been so many big games coming out lately!
[Just as Woolie says this, three men arrive to stand beside the Zaibatsu on the train platform. Two of the men have hockey jerseys worn atop several layers of polos, each collar individually popped. The third man notably has pink dreads and all designer clothing]
[one of the polo boys smacks Woolie on his shoulder]
MAN #1: AHAHA! Yo, I heard you mention the ‘big game.’ You excited for tonight, bro?
WOOLIE: Uh, I don’t—
MAN #2: DAWG, it’s going to get crazy. McDougall’s been on fire this series, but you KNOW he’s gotta be feeling that tear in his ACL. And with the Scarborough Beavers having such a hella strong defence, that’ll really hurt the team tonight, ‘nam sayin’?
WOOLIE: I think there’s been a—
[the man with the pink dreads stumbles forward, holding a white styrofoam cup with suspicious purple liquid sloshing around inside]
PINK DREADS: Skrr skrrrrr skrrrrr, ayy yuh. Hunnid on my wrist. Brrr. Brrr. Skinny bitches. Hrrrnng.
[One of the other strangers gestures to his unintelligible companion]
MAN #1: That’s the homie, Lil BigPlanet. He said that ‘those four gents look to be an affable sort’ and that he’s ‘interested in hearing your predictions concerning tonight’s sporting event.’
WOOLIE: Yeah, I’m sorry, uh, what was your name?
MAN #1: The name’s Vance Chadrick. My friend here is Tevin — JUST Tevin. And you already met the homie Lil Bigplanet. His real name’s Demetrius but he don’t like to be called that on account of his tragic upbringing.
[Lil Bigplanet ‘Skr skrr skrrrs’ forlornly]
*WOOLIE: Right. Well, Vance, there’s been a misunderstanding. We were actually talking about ‘big games’ in general, not any one particular big game.
TEVIN: Hol’ up… you mean, like, Scrabble or some shit?
WOOLIE: No, like…like VIDEO games…haha.
[Vance and Tevin share a pointed look before bursting out laughing]
VANCE: VIDEO GAMES? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, BRO?
TEVIN: For a minute there, we thought you were some real ones. Turns out you’re just a bunch of man-children.
VANCE: One time, when I was eleven, my moms bought me a Burger King meal and it came with a free video game demo disc. I didn’t even eat the food, because I was afraid some DWEEB might’ve rubbed off on my fries.
[Tevin reaches out and grabs Woolie by his collar, pulling him closer so they’re face to face]
TEVIN: Just so you know, I’d be saying some real homophobic stuff to you right now if it weren’t for me having grown as a person in the past few years. The old me would have implied that liking video games was ‘gay,’ and in so doing would be implying that being gay made you lesser. BUT I’VE SINCE LEARNED THAT IS NOT THE CASE BECAUSE MY LITTLE BROTHER DAVE GOT MARRIED TO HIS LONGTERM PARTNER JUST LAST SUMMER AND IT WAS AN ENCHANTING EVENING.
VANCE: Yeah, talk your shit, Big Tev! We’re socially conscious bullies, that’s our gimmick!
TEVIN: But I don’t need to judge you by your race, sexual preference or economic status. My counsellor says that’d be a micro-aggression…but he didn’t say anything about MAJOR AGGRESSIONS.
[Tevin lunges forward and punches Woolie right in his solar plexus, doubling him over and bringing him to his knees, wheezing]
[Liam rushes forward to see if Woolie is alright]
LIAM: What the hell, guys?! How can you even hate video game so much when you’re hanging out with a guy named fucking ‘Lil Bigplanet’?
LILBIGPLANET: Ice in my cup, ice on my wrist. Ice on my neck, ice on my bitch…
TEVIN: The homie, Lil BP, says that the name was purely coincidental, and that his lawyers are currently in talks with Sony...He also called you a pussy, bruh.
[The three men step over Woolie’s body and board the metro that just arrived]
TEVIN: It’s been real, nerds. We have a big game to get to, not that you’d know the feeling.
VANCE: YEAH, LATER FAGS.
[Tevin punches Vance in the arm and says ‘We talked about that word, yo.’ as the doors close and the metro speeds away]
[Once the train has long since left earshot, Matt calls after it: “YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN.”]
[Pat goes over to help Liam hoist Woolie to his feet]
PAT: Sorry, man. I would have helped you…but then that would have put ME in danger and I…well, I just didn’t want that.
[Woolie angrily brushes the dirt off his pants and clutches his stomach]
WOOLIE: I’m just so sick of people thinking we aren’t real men because we aren’t into sports.
MATT: I go lawn bowling with my gram-gram sometimes, so don’t group me in with you guys…
WOOLIE: And it’s not like I’m completely clueless! I box a little, y’know? I used to play football! You remember?
PAT: Yeah, you killed that one guy.
LIAM: Killed that guy one time, yeah…
WOOLIE: It’s just—watching sports is so…boring! If they made a sport that was more exciting, maybe we wouldn’t—
[Woolie’s eyes shoot open and he looks at the other guys excitedly]
WOOLIE: What if we just made our own sport?!
PAT: No no no. C’mon. We’ve dabbled in theft and human trafficking but sports is where I draw the line, Woolie. I still have nightmares about gym class. My thighs would rub together and—
WOOLIE: We aren’t the ones that’ll be playing it, dipshit! We CREATE the most radical sport of all time! Then, not only will we have something dope to watch, but people also won’t be able to belittle us for not knowing anything about sports anymore!
PAT: I really don’t think—
WOOLIE: Plus, we’ll make a load of money from it!
PAT: I’ve decided to help you because you are my dear friend. But… we don’t know anything about sports. How’re we going to…make one?
WOOLIE: Sports are just games! Our JOB is literally just playing games! If your typical meathead can understand the intricacies of sports, how hard could it be for us to make one of our own?
TITLE CARD: ‘Woolie Makes a Snuff Film’
INTERIOR: HIGH SCHOOL GYM
[Woolie and Pat are alone in an empty gymnasium. Pat is dressed as he usually is, whereas Woolie is dressed in a weirdly formal tweed suit. Pat is sitting in a fold-up steel chair and Woolie has set up a projector along with several slides]
PAT: So, uh…what’re we doing here, man?
WOOLIE: I’ve spent the past several weeks creating and perfecting the ULTIMATE sports experience. I’ve prepared a small presentation to show you the finished product.
PAT: No, sure and I’m super excited and all but…what’s with the suit?
WOOLIE: Well…figured it’s a big moment, so I dressed up for it.
PAT: …but it’s just the two of us.
WOOLIE: So what? Just—Just don’t worry about the suit, it’s not important.
PAT: I feel like I have to worry about the suit, is the thing. Like, I can’t tell whether you’re trying to intimidate me or if you’re trying to fuck me or…
WOOLIE: That’s not—
PAT: Super weird, just two friends alone in a private meeting, and one of ‘em dresses up like it’s prom night or something. And you have a wife, man. Me and Paige are also doing really well, so…
WOOLIE: Stop—
PAT: And when you and Liam started getting weird I felt like it wasn’t my place to say anything. Like, it’s 2020 and the kids are all about polyamory, but I don’t want to be a part of it, myself.
WOOLIE: JUST LISTEN TO M—
PAT: And I don’t look good in a suit man, trust me. So if that’s like, your thing or whatever, look elsewhere. Last time I shaved my beard off, me and Paige went to dinner and I happened to wear a suit, right? An old lady in our apartment saw us holding hands and she assumed Paige was my mom and that she was bringing me to my bar mitzvah and—
WOOLIE: I’M NOT TRYING TO FUCK YOU. I’M NOT TRYING TO FUCK YOU, PAT. I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO WEAR A SUIT FOR ONCE. THIS JOB DOESN’T GIVE US MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO DRESS NICELY AND I JUST WANTED TO WEAR A FUCKING SUIT. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BUST MY BALLS OVER IT. JESUS CHRIST.
[Pat is visibly taken aback by Woolie’s outburst]
PAT: Geez, okay. I’m sorry.
WOOLIE: GODDAMNIT, PAT.
PAT: I’m sorry, do your presentation. I want to hear it. Go ahead. I’m sorry.
[Woolie takes a moment to loosen his tie and rein in his temper]
WOOLIE: Alright, fine, just let me dim the lights…
[Woolie jogs over to the entrance, but finds that the lights can only turn on or off]
WOOLIE: Are you fucking ser— they don’t have a dimmer switch!
PAT: Why would they need a dimmer switch in a highschool, Woolie? They use the gym to play dodgeball and run laps, not host orgies and listen to Sade. I don’t even want to know what you think the climbing ropes are for—
WOOLIE: Fine! I’ll do it in the dark. I’ll do my presentation in the dark wearing a suit like a stupid asshole! Dickhead!
[Woolie shows several slides of popular sports through human history]
WOOLIE: As mankind has progressed…so too has our taste in sports. Over the years, and especially in these modern times, we require more contact, more action, more style, more…stimuli. The goal of this project is to simply cut to the end — to take each ingredient that makes up sports as we know it, and push them as far as we possibly can. I call it…
[Woolie flips over to the next slide, revealing the title and what can only be described as softcore pornography]
WOOLIE: ULTIMA-BRAWL.
[Pat cocks an eyebrow and nods contemplatively, as if he’s saying ‘Alright, you have my attention, cutie’ with his accursed ginger eyes]
WOOLIE: Now, you’re probably wondering: Ultima-brawl? Don’t you mean Ultima-BALL? Wrong! Why? Because balls are for cowards! The only balls you need to concern yourself with are the big, hefty sacks swinging between the legs of our brave combatants, or ‘brawlers’ as they will officially be known.
[Pat sits in stunned silence as Woolie pulls out a strange object from underneath the desk. It is reminiscent of a giant tabletop die and has several brightly flashing coils wrapped all around it]
WOOLIE: We don’t use balls, we use THIS. Balls are too soft. People use balls to play catch with their kids. If you are comfortable throwing an object at your six year old son, chances are it has no place in a real man’s game—
[Woolie slams the object down onto the desk. It emits a solid THUNK sound on contact and releases several crackling sparks of raw electricity]
WOOLIE: No, THIS is the real deal. It is an icosahedron made from hard plastic and it is rigged to shock you if you hold on to it for more than six seconds. Why? No more ball hoggers, that’s why! It is the proverbial ‘hot potato’ brought to life. The Zeus-brawl (we’re calling it the zeus-brawl, by the way) encourages frequent passing and makes for much more smooth, entertaining play.
PAT: That’s—
[Woolie waves him off and wheels out a mannequin wearing a bunch of strange futuristic garments]
WOOLIE: On to uniforms! First things first, take note of the skintight, aerodynamic shorts. It’s really the only article of ‘clothing’ the brawlers will be wearing, apart from their backpacks and their helmets.
[Pat tactfully avoids drawing attention to the fact that the ‘uniform’ looks like a makeshift BDSM outfit, because he knows Woolie is still struggling with accepting that part of himself]
PAT: …Backpacks?
WOOLIE: I’ll get to that in a minute. For now, I want to draw your attention to the fact that there is no shirt — No jersey. That’s because, again, Ultima-brawl is all about cutting the bullshit and pushing all facets of sports-entertainment to their natural conclusions. So we don’t need shirts! We don’t need ‘teams!’ At least—not the teams you’re thinking of. You’ve heard of the term ‘shirts versus skins? Well, I’m proposing...
[Woolie pulls up a new slide, showing a shirtless black man and a shirtless white man wrestling one another]
WOOLIE: Skins versus skins.
PAT: Woolie! You can’t keep trying to incite race wars! This is getting ridiculous!
WOOLIE: But haven’t sports always been about race wars? About who’s ‘City’ is superior? Give me a break. I’m just the first one to be honest about it. The first one to embrace it! Fact is, humans need an outlet to vent their frustrations and I think Ultima-brawl can be that release. A safe place where THE WHOLE POINT is to fight someone else because they’re different than you! That way you get it all out of your system and stop yourself from carrying that hatred into your personal or professional life.
PAT: …Are you serious? Woolie, this is a slippery slope. This is like… how The Purge starts.
WOOLIE: And I’ve made my support for The Purge known in the past, but that’s neither here nor there. Look, am I saying that if I went back in time and made the Germans play the Jewish community in a nice, safe, controlled game of Ultima-brawl that MAYBE things might’ve turned out differently? Who knows? What I am saying is if we get a bunch of Israelis and Palestinians to play a quick match, they might work out their issues and I could have a Nobel Prize coming my way for bringing peace to the east. But enough of that—
[Woolie spins the mannequin around, showing off a high-tech backpack-like device with an LED display]
WOOLIE: This is the Rad-Counter. If there’s one thing that I think sports can take away from video games, it’s that style metres make everything better. Now, each brawler will have their own bike, skateboard, rollerblades etcetera, to ride around the Ultima-court. Said court will of course be littered with quarter-pipes, halfpipes, loops, pits and other obstacles—
WOOLIE: When the brawlers do some rad shit like tricks or combos, the judges will award that brawler and their team style points, as displayed on these backpacks. Cultivating style metre is CRUCIAL because the team leader spends those style points to open the opposing team’s hatch for a few seconds, which is where you throw the zeus-brawl to score. Not a HOOP, that’s what my auntie wears in her ears. Not a NET, that’s what my auntie wears under her wig. A fucking HATCH. A MAN hatch.
WOOLIE: In short, you HAVE to do cool shit in order to open the hatch and score points to win the game. Because every other sport has fuckers that lame it out and shoot layups all game. No, shut up though. You NEED to show off here. You NEED to do combo.
PAT: I—
WOOLIE: And the leader can also choose to spend the team’s rad-points on other perks like dropping weapons into the arena or—
PAT: Woolie.
WOOLIE: What?
PAT: I’ve gotta be honest here, man.
[Woolie looks down and fiddles with his thumbs]
WOOLIE: …Yeah?
PAT: This is…PERFECT.
[Woolie breathes a sigh of relief]
WOOLIE: Phew, okay. Haha, you had me worried there for a minute. And hey, best part is? I’ve already paid for ALL the equipment AND I’ve set up a practice match to show off to potential investors.
PAT: Holy shit! How’d you pay for all that?!
[Woolie’s face pales and he stares blankly into the distance]
SCENE CHANGE — FLASHBACK
[Woolie is shown nervously walking through a creaky old manor. The wallpaper is torn and mold can be seen spreading in a corner]
[Woolie gulps and nervously traverses a long, dark hallway. At the very end of the hall, he knocks on a battered oak door. Dust falls off its surface in small clouds as he raps his knuckles against it]
[the door seemingly opens on its own and Woolie enters the nearly pitch black room. The only thing visible is the silhouette of a bald man in an armchair as he watches a TV stuck on a static screen]
[Woolie opens his mouth to greet his host, but he’s interrupted before he can speak]
PLAGUE: Hello, Woolie.
WOOLIE: H-Hey pla—
[Woolie has to break off his sentence as a strange scent hits his nostrils, causing him to retch and gag on his words]
WOOLIE: What—What is that SMELL, Plague?
PLAGUE: …Man can find all sorts of things out in the woods.
[A stray breeze shuts the door behind Woolie, causing him to startle briefly]
WOOLIE: …Right. Anyway, I—
[A hand shoots out of the darkness and it’s cold, gnarled fingers lock themselves around Woolie’s wrist]
PLAGUE: Talkin’ of smells, you’re smelling awfully nice today, Woolie. Is that [sniff] vanilla body wash I’m detecting? You usually smell nice for me when you want something. Is that it, Woolie? Do you want something from me? Or did you just come to spend some time with your good friend, Plague? No…let me guess. You want some more of my money.
WOOLIE: I—I don’t, it’s— I was just—
PLAGUE: Have you ever choked someone before, Woolie? And I don’t mean choking like a stagnant young couple trying to spice up their private life. I mean, have you ever truly choked another human being before?
WOOLIE: …No.
[the hand moves up to gently hold onto Woolie’s throat, just under his adam’s apple]
PLAGUE: People are always so surprised at how malleable the human body is, in their last moments. We like to think of ourselves as concrete and unchanging, but under the right pair of thumbs we become as clay to a sculptor. If you ever really make an evening out of pressing your hands down on someone, it’s like you aren’t even holding a neck by the end of it. The flesh and the skin become so ruined that all you really have left to hold onto is the vertebrae and the windpipe. It almost feels as if you’re squeezing a sopping wet length of rope. Like you’re a fisherman standing at the edge of a pier, hauling in his morning catch…
WOOLIE: Please, Plague, I— I didn’t mean—
PLAGUE: Oh, you didn’t mean what, Woolie? You didn’t mean—I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU MEANT. TAKE YOUR MONEY, WOOLIE. TAKE YOUR WHORE MONEY AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
[The scene changes back to the gymnasium, as Pat snaps his fingers in front of Woolie’s face to break him out of his reverie. Woolie wipes sweat and a stray tear from his face and shrugs pat off]
WOOLIE: Never mind how I got the cash, just be at the rec centre this Friday for the practice match…
[Woolie quickly exits the gym, shaking, as Pat calls after him]
PAT: I’ll be there! And hey, feel better Woolz, alright?
[Once Woolie turns the corner, Pat immediately pulls out his cell, dials a number and holds it to his ear]
PAT: Hey stinky. I’m like 99% sure that Woolie just tried to seduce me…Yeah…What? No, I didn’t do it! It’s Woolie, he’s my friend!...I don’t CARE what you read in your doujins, Paige! That’s super weird. YOU’RE super weird…You’re lucky you’re really hot and you do that one thing with your thumb or I wouldn’t put up with you.
SCENE CHANGE – REC CENTRE — FRIDAY
[Woolie, Pat, Matt, Liam and Paige are all sitting in the bleachers in anticipation for the game]
WOOLIE: Oh man, I’m pumped guys! Like, I’m nervous, sure, but I’m feeling good about this. Is this how all sports fans feel? Maybe we really have been missing out.
PAT: Well, you should be excited man. You earned this. Hey, where did you find all these people anyway? The crew and the players and stuff?
WOOLIE: Oh, I uh, actually don’t know really. While we ironed out the mechanics, I asked Matt and Liam to find playe—sorry, BRAWLERS for us.
LIAM: Yeah, well, turns out a lot of professional athletes were’t interested for some reason…
MATT: Probably a bit cutting edge for most people. Ultima-brawl is too avant-garde of a concept for the common man to comprehend.
PAIGE: Don’t worry though, Woolie. You’ll find your niche. You’ll be like the David Lynch of sweaty man-touching.
WOOLIE: Well…if you couldn’t find any actual athletes, where’d you find the players?
MATT: After we got shut down by them, we asked ourselves: what group of people are the easiest to exploit for your own gain?
ALL AT ONCE: Homeless people.
MATT: Exactly. But again, that didn’t work out because apparently Pat is engaged in some sort of ‘blood feud’ with the entirety of Montreal’s homeless population and they were reluctant to approach us.
PAT: Ugh…I’d have been willing to compromise and not try to cull any of them during the game. Bums need to grow up and learn to put personal feelings aside for the sake of professionalism. It’s no wonder they can’t hold down a job.
LIAM: We’d all but given up on finding anybody, when I had an idea of my own! Prisoners! Yeah, so we just moseyed on down to the penitentiary and bailed a bunch of people out on the one condition that they’d play one game of Ultima-brawl for us, no questions asked.
WOOLIE: Oh…but they’re, like…cool, yeah? They won’t freak out on each other or anything?
MATT: Give us a little credit, man. We didn’t bail out murderers. Just people who got arrested for assault and stuff.
WOOLIE: Assault?!
MATT: Well, we needed to find athletic people, Woolie! Most fit people in jail are in for violent crimes. It isn’t like we could have drafted a bunch of buff pedophiles or something, because buff pedophiles don’t exist! If buff pedophiles did exist, there wouldn’t be any children left.
WOOLIE: But—
LIAM: It’ll be fine! They just got out of jail! You think they’re eager to immediately get thrown back in? Just relax, Woolie.
[the lights in the building go out. Smoke fills the arena and lasers flicker through the clouds]
WOOLIE: SHHH, It’s starting!
[the announcer’s voice echoes throughout the arena. It sounds eerily similar to the announcer from Unreal Tournament]
ANNOUNCER: GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE AND WELCOME TO THE INAUGURAL MATCH OF THE SOON TO BE GREATEST SPORT ON PLANET EARTH, IIIIIIIIT’S UUUUUULTIMA-BRAAAAAWL. BRAWL…Brawl…brawl
[Woolie whoops/shrieks at an uncomfortable volume, tenting visible in his jeans]
[from either end of the arena, the opposing teams emerge from their respective hatches]
ANNOUNCER: COMING IN FIRST, WE HAVE…We, uh…sorry, is this a typo? No? A-Alright. SORRY FOLKS, COMING IN FIRST WE HAVE THE Uh—THE WHITE? TEAM!
[The white team awkwardly shuffles in place, clearly uncomfortable and hoping this isn’t being streamed online because they don’t want to end up in a Huffington Post article or some shit]
ANNOUNCER: AND ON THE OTHER SIDE, WE HAVE…Christ. Seriously? Fine, fine. ON THE OTHER SIDE WE HAVE THE…BLACKS. God…
[The black players approach the centre of the arena on their bikes and skateboards, equally as uncomfortable as the white team]
[Both teams appear to take a moment to talk, shake hands and assure one another that they all think this is equally fucked up]
[Woolie throws popcorn at the brawlers, causing them to break apart]
WOOLIE: NONE OF THAT! BE PROGRESSIVE AND PEACEFUL AFTER THE GAME’S OVER. RIGHT NOW I NEED YOUR SCORN AND MALICE OR THIS WHOLE THING FALLS APART!
[Now that Woolie has caught the brawlers attention, one of the players heads perks up and he gestures at Woolie]
BRAWLER: YO! YOU’RE THAT DUDE FROM A MONTH BACK! C’MERE A MINUTE!
[Woolie, not recognizing the figure, looks to his friends uncertainly. When he’s only met with equally oblivious shrugs he makes his way down the bleachers to speak with the mystery man at the edge of the arena]
WOOLIE: Sorry, do we know each other?
[The man looks confused for a moment before understanding dawns in his eyes and he removes the helmet that had been obscuring most of his face]
[Woolie frowns when he recognizes the man as one of the three strangers that had humiliated him at the metro station several weeks prior]
TEVIN: Before you say anything, I know you’re mad, yo. And… and you should be.
WOOLIE: Yeah, I’m fucking mad, I—wait, what?
TEVIN: Yeah… that night, me and my boys, we…we had one too many to drink. It’s no excuse for our behaviour but…you mentioned video games and it just set me off man. I’m so sorry. Seriously, bruh.
WOOLIE: Even IF you were drunk, how could VIDEO GAMES possibly make you so furious at someone you don’t even know?
[Tevin sighs and gestures to a member of the black team. Woolie can see pink dreads peaking out of the bottom of the brawler’s helmet and he instantly connects the dots]
TEVIN: You remember the homie, Lil Bigplanet? You remember he talked…funny?
WOOLIE: I mean, I saw the lean in his cup so I just figured—
TEVIN: Nah, that wasn’t lean. That was Pepto Bismol. Homie had an upset tummy. No, the reason he talks funny is…Y’see, when he was a kid he was cleaning out his closet and… he dropped a PS3 on his head.
WOOLIE: Like…a PS3 slim or—?
[Tevin now has tears welling up in his eyes]
TEVIN: Nah, one of them original fat bitches they released back in ’06.
[Woolie cringes and hisses through his teeth, looking upon Lil Bigplanet with pity as he stumbles around the arena]
WOOLIE: God, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. At least it wasn’t an original Xbox or he might not be with us.
TEVIN: Nah, you couldn’t have known. It’s just—Me, Vance and Lil BP? We’re like brothers, man. So whenever someone mentions video games now it gets me so mad…and with us drinking that night…
WOOLIE: Hey, don’t even worry about—
TEVIN: No! Like I said, there ain’t no excuse for the way we acted! The next morning…we all felt so guilty we turned ourselves in to the police.
[Woolie is beginning to feel uncomfortable guilt-sweat pool in the bottom of his boxers]
[Tevin grins a great toothy smile at Woolie, warmth and gratitude clear in his eyes]
TEVIN: But then who turns out to make our bail but the guy we wronged in the first place! If that isn’t the lord showing me the way, then I don’t know what is! Bless you for this opportunity, bro! Maybe we all can hang out after the game’s over!
WOOLIE: Y’know, you don’t really HAVE to play, haha…
TEVIN: Please, it’s the LEAST I can do dawg. Wish me luck!
[Woolie walks back to his seat on unsteady feet. Once he sits back down, Pat eyes him warily]
PAT: You okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.
WOOLIE: Yeah…Hey, you think the game is safe, right? Like, the players won’t get hurt too bad?
PAT: …I mean…
WOOLIE: Oh god, oh fuck—
[Paige leans over and rests her hand on Woolie’s shoulder]
PAIGE: Don’t worry, Woolie. As the voice of reason in the group I took it upon myself to make sure things wouldn’t get out of hand.
WOOLIE: Thank fuck…God…Good. Good, good. What did you do? You talked to the players beforehand? Told them to take it easy?
PAIGE: Nope, I spiked their Gatorade with stuff to mellow them out so that they’ll play nicely.
[Woolie, growing concerned again, cocks his brow and faces Paige directly]
WOOLIE: You spiked—? What did—What did you spike their drinks with? Molly? Xanax?
PAIGE: No, that’s the stuff rappers take and rapper are scary so…
WOOLIE: What the fuck did you put in the Gatorade, Paige?!
PAIGE: Just some bath salts!
[Matt sprays cookie crumbs out of his mouth as Liam’s hand clenches and ruptures his Capri Sun]
[Pat shoves Woolie’s panic-stricken form aside to grip his girlfriend’s shoulders tightly]
PAT: YOU DOSED A BUNCH OF VIOLENT, HALF-NAKED CRIMINALS WITH BATH SALTS?
[Paige looks around at her friends nervously]
PAIGE: Is that…bad? It’s just—baths are so relaxing! So I thought drinking it would feel…relaxing? Like taking a bath!
PAT: PAIGE. FUCK. WHY.
PAIGE: WELL IF IT’S BAD FOR YOU THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE CALLED IT BATH SALTS! IT SOUNDS SO NICE, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!
[As the zaibatsu panic and argue amongst themselves, the siren sounds, signalling the beginning of the game]
[Extremely dated, horny european music blasts through the arena as the now-crazed brawlers charge each other on their bikes and skateboards]
[Woolie watches in abject horror as the players brutalize and maim one another, practically frothing at the mouths in their hysteria]
ANNOUNCER: WHITE TEAM HAS AMASSED 2500 RAD POINTS. SHRED-SCALIBUR HAS ENTERED THE ARENA.
[a massive greatsword is dropped in front of the white leader, who immediately picks it up and swipes at one of his own teammates]
LIAM: YOU PUT A FUCKING SWORD IN THE GAME, WOOLIE?!
WOOLIE: It’s—It’s blunt. You can’t really stab someone with it…I—I thought it would be cool, but…God, he’s really bludgeoning people with it. I think I’m gonna hurl, dude—
[Matt slaps Woolie across his face]
MATT: Snap out of it, man! We gotta cut our losses and cheese it before the 5-0 shows up!
[Woolie nods, dazed, and moves to run away with the group when he sees Tevin in the middle of the arena crying over Vance’s bloodied body]
WOOLIE: You guys go without me! I have to save them!
[Instead of protesting, the gang immediately leaves without Woolie because they are all assholes]
[In his haste to reach the arena as fast as possible, Woolie knocks over the remaining Gatorade onto the ultima-brawl, causing it to short-circuit and set a low-hanging banner aflame. The fire quickly spreads and in the time it takes Woolie to dodge the berzerking convicts and reach Tevin, the flames have almost completely engulfed the arena]
TEVIN: Yo, y-you came for us…
WOOLIE: Of course I did. Is he—?
[Woolie gestures down at Vance’s body]
TEVIN: He’s gone, yo. He’s really gone…He was one month away from finishing law school, man…What’re me and Lil Bigplanet going to do without—Wait, where’s the homie Lil Bigplanet?!He was with the Black Team last I saw him…! I gotta find him, yo! I can’t lose them both!
[Woolie looks up and spots Lil BP scoring on his own team and doing a victory dance, seemingly oblivious to the bloodshed around him]
ANNOUNCER: BOTH TEAMS HAVE COLLECTIVELY GAINED 8000 RAD POINTS. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, ULTIMA-FANS. RELEASING THE BEAST-QUALIZER.
[Woolie falls back in fear as an air-raid siren sounds and a plate-armoured cape buffalo charges into the arena]
WOOLIE: IS THAT—IS THAT A FUCKING BULL? I DIDN’T EVEN ORDER A BULL. WHO PUT A FUCKING BULL IN THE GAME?
[The buffalo makes short work of the drugged-out criminals, methodically stalking the arena and goring them one-by-one. Finally, it sets it’s eyes on Lil Bigplanet who merely tilts his head and lets out an inquisitive ‘Skrr skrr?’ in response to the buffalo’s attention]
[The buffalo stomps its hooves and charges at the unmoving Lil BP, who waits with open arms as if anticipating a friendly hug]
TEVIN: DEMETRIUS! NOOO!
[Tevin sprints forward and attempts to intercept the blow, but can’t stop the buffalo’s momentum. The buffalo’s horn pierces Tevin’s abdomen but continues rushing forward, impaling Lil BP as well. The two adults corpses throw the buffalo’s balance off and it careens into the arena barrier, snapping its own neck and dying instantly]
[A combination of terror, smoke inhalation and blood loss causes Woolie’s to drop to his knees, and then face flat to the ground, unconscious]
SCENE CHANGE — INTERIOR — HOSPITAL ROOM
[The shot remains out of focus as Woolie opens his eyes, after hearing a disembodied voice call for him]
VOICE: C’mon, buddy. Got someone here who has some questions for you…
WOOLIE: Rmmpgh…
VOICE: [sigh] Bayonetta.
[Woolie’s eyes shoot open and he snaps up to a sitting position as if someone had blasted him with smelling salts]
WOOLIE: What’s—Where am I?
[Woolie’s blurry vision focuses and he takes in his surroundings. He is in a hospital bed, with a nervous looking Pat sitting at his side and an imposing man with an officer’s badge looming over him]
PAT: Hey man, this uh, friendly police officer just has a few small questions for you. I already spoke to him about how WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, but he wanted to make sure that you DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, so—
DETECTIVE: Now, settle down, son. You aren’t in any trouble. You’re clearly a victim in all this. This is just procedure. Now, apparently there was some homoerotic cult engaging in blood sports. We ID’d most of the murder victims from the tapes these sickos were filming, but we couldn’t get a clear image of the leaders. Now, clearly, you two aren’t involved—
[Woolie holds up a hand to cut the detective off]
WOOLIE: Hold on. What’s that supposed to mean? We clearly weren’t involved? What’s that about?
DETECTIVE: Well, no offence fellas but you two don’t exactly seem like the sporting type to me.
WOOLIE: We’re sporting! We’re athletic! Where do you get off judging us? For all you know, I could have been the cause of all this!
DETECTIVE: Is that so…
[Pat steps between Woolie and the cop]
PAT: Sorry, officer! My friend is still clearly a little out of it, what with his condition and all. Let me just get a quick word with him—
[Pat roughly pulls Woolie over to the corner of the room and begins angrily whispering with him]
PAT: What the HELL do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to get us arrested?!
WOOLIE: He thinks we’re a bunch of wussies!
PAT: We are a bunch of fucking wussies! I pee sitting down! Who cares? He’s letting us go!
WOOLIE: I can’t, man. Not this time. We’ve fucked up before, but never this bad. So many people died, Pat! That’s on me! Don’t worry, I’ll leave you out of my confession.
PAT: Woolie…
WOOLIE: You know those guys that punched me? They felt so horrible about it they turned themselves in the next day! And now they’re dead because of me…It’s only fair that I follow their example and take responsibility for my actions. Goodbye, Pat…
[Woolie and Pat both approach the detective at once, both speaking over one another until the cop raises a hand to silence them]
DETECTIVE: Now, I was going to let you boys go, but you started acting real cagey just now. So unless you can give me a name to go off of here I’m afraid I’ll have to bring you in for further questioning.
WOOLIE: There’s no need for that, sir. I know who did it. It was m—
PAT: HEY, real quick, before we continue—how bad did you say the sentencing was going to be for those responsible, sir? Five? Ten years?
DETECTIVE: Oh, no no no. This is absolutely life in prison.
[Woolie blanches and sweat begins to drip down his temple]
WOOLIE: L-Life in—
DETECTIVE: Hooo, you betcha’. MULTIPLE life sentences even. No parole. No bail. Nothin.’ Just a cold, lonely cell for the rest of their days.
[Woolie audibly gulps]
DETECTIVE: But never mind that, son. You said you knew who was behind all this...?
[Woolie and Pat share a tense side-eye glance before Woolie turns to face the officer once more]
WOOLIE: So, there’s this guy called SuperBunnyHop—
CREDITS
DIRECTED BY Hidetaka Suehiro
GUEST-STARRING Finn Wolfhard AS Liam Allen-Miller
Peter dinklage AS Patrick Boivin
AND
Zac Effron AS Woolie Madden
submitted by CozyGhosty to TwoBestFriendsPlay [link] [comments]


2018.12.18 23:14 logallama Tuesday Time Travel December 18th

Week 2 of this series highlighting historical events of the same date on a different year, a hell of a whopper compared to last week's. Discussion is, as always, encouraged! Considering the length and reddit's character limits I've got to post 1963 onward in the comments.

1075 Edith of Wessex, Former Queen of England, Dies

Wikipedia page

1290 Magnus III, King of Sweden, Dies

Wikipedia page

1442 Pierre Cauchon, French Catholic Bishop, Organizer of the Trial of Joan of Arc, Dies

Wikipedia page

1499 Rebellion Triggered in Albayzín and Alpujarras in Response to the Forced Conversions of Muslims in Spain.

The increasing mass and forced conversion of Muslims triggered resistance, initially among the urban population of Albayzín (also spelled Albaicín), the Muslim quarter of Granada. The situation was exacerbated by the treatment of elches, former Christians who converted to Islam. Specific clauses in the Treaty of Granada forbade the conversion of the elches back to Christianity against their will, but the treaty allowed for questionings of such converts by Christian clerics, in the presence of Muslim religious authorities. Cisneros used this 'loophole' to summon elches and imprison those who refused to return to Christianity. These efforts were often focused on wives of Muslim men – an emphasis that angered the Muslim population who considered this a violation of their families. On 18 December 1499, as part of this effort, constable Velasco de Barrionuevo and an assistant were taking a female elche from Albayzín for such questioning. When they passed through a square, she shouted that she was being forced to become Christian. The officials were then surrounded by a hostile crowd, and the constable was killed and the assistant managed to escape after being sheltered by a local Muslim woman. This incident escalated into an open revolt. The residents of Albayzín barricaded the streets and armed themselves. An angry crowd marched to Cisneros' house, apparently for an assault. This crowd later dispersed, but over the following days the revolt become more organized. The population of Albayzín elected their own officials and leaders. In the standoff that ensued, the archbishop Hernando de Talavera and the Captain-General Marquis de Tendilla attempted to defuse the situation through negotiations and gestures of good-will. After ten days, the uprising ended as the Muslims handed in their weapons and handed over the constable's killers, who were promptly executed. Subsequently, Cisneros was summoned to the court in Seville to account for his actions, facing a furious Ferdinand. Cisneros however argued that it was the Muslims, not him, who breached the Treaty by engaging in armed rebellion. He convinced Ferdinand and Isabella to declare a collective pardon to the rebels, on condition that they convert to Christianity. Cisneros returned to Granada, which now nominally became a fully Christian city. Although the uprising in Albayzín appeared to be put down and Granada was nominally transformed to a Christian city, the rebellion spread to the countryside. The leaders of the Albayzín uprising fled to the Alpujarra mountains. The inhabitants of the mountains, almost exclusively Muslims, had only accepted Christian rule reluctantly. They quickly rose up in revolts against what they regarded as the violation of the terms of the Treaty of Granada, and because they feared they would suffer the same forced conversions as the residents of Albayzín. By February 1500, 80,000 Christian troops were mobilized to put down the rebellion. By March, King Ferdinand arrived to personally direct the operations.
Wikipedia page#Uprising_in_Albayz%C3%ADn)

1603 First Fleet of the Dutch East India Company Under Admiral Steven van der Haghen Departs for the East-Indies

Wikipedia page

1626 Christina, Queen of Sweden, is Born

Wikipedia page

1655 The Whitehall Conference Ends With the Determination That There was No Law Preventing Jews from Re-Entering England After the Edict of Expulsion of 1290.

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1774 Empress Maria Theresa expels Jews From Prague, Bohemia and Moravia

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1787 New Jersey Becomes 3rd State to Ratify US Constitution

Politico article

1833 The National Anthem of the Russian Empire, "God Save the Tsar!", is First Performed.

Wikipedia page

1849 Henrietta Edwards, Canadian Activist and Author, is Born

She was the eldest of "The Famous Five", along with Emily Murphy, Nellie McClung, Louise McKinney and Irene Parlby, who fought to have women recognized as "persons" under the law, and for the woman's right to vote in elections. She was born Henrietta Louise Muir in Montreal. She grew up in an upper-middle-class family that valued culture and religion. Edwards became active in many religious organizations, where she grew disenchanted with old traditions where the exclusion of women was acceptable.
Wikipedia page

1851:

Graciano López Jaena, Filipino Revolutionary Journalist, is Born

He was appointed to the San Juan de Dios Hospital as an apprentice. Unfortunately, due to financial problems, he dropped out and returned to Iloilo to practice medicine. During this period, his visits with the poor began to stir feelings about the injustices that were common.[citation needed] At the age of 18 he wrote the satirical story Fray Botod which depicted a fat and lecherous friar. Botod’s false piety "always had the Virgin and God on his lips no matter how unjust and underhanded his acts are." This incurred the fury of the friars. Although the story was not published, a copy circulated in Iloilo but the friars could not prove that López Jaena was the author. He got into trouble for refusing to testify that certain prisoners died of natural causes when it was obvious that they had died at the hands of the mayor of Pototan. López Jaena continued to agitate for justice and finally went to Spain when threats were made on his life. López Jaena sailed for Spain in 1880. There he became a leading writer and speaker for Philippine reform. He is remembered by the Filipino people for his literary contributions to the propaganda movement. López Jaena founded the fortnightly newspaper, La Solidaridad.
Wikipedia page

Act for the Abolition of Feudal Rights and Duties in Lower Canada Ascends, Creating a Special Seigneurial Court to Look at How Economic and Property Rights Will Change with Abolition

Queen's University at Kingston .pdf file

1856 J. J. Thomson, English Physicist and Academic, Nobel Prize Laureate, is Born, He Goes On to Discover Isotopes, the Electron, and Invents the Mass-Spectrometer.

Wikipedia page

1863 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria is Born, Who's Death Would Spark the First World War

Wikipedia page

1870 Hector Hugh Munro, AKA Saki, British Short Story Writer, is Born

Better known by the pen name Saki, and also frequently as H. H. Munro, was a British writer whose witty, mischievous and sometimes macabre stories satirize Edwardian society and culture. He is considered a master of the short story, and often compared to O. Henry and Dorothy Parker. Influenced by Oscar Wilde, Lewis Carroll and Rudyard Kipling, he himself influenced A. A. Milne, Noël Coward and P. G. Wodehouse. Besides his short stories (which were first published in newspapers, as was customary at the time, and then collected into several volumes), he wrote a full-length play, The Watched Pot, in collaboration with Charles Maude; two one-act plays; a historical study, The Rise of the Russian Empire, the only book published under his own name; a short novel, The Unbearable Bassington; the episodic The Westminster Alice (a parliamentary parody of Alice in Wonderland); and When William Came, subtitled A Story of London Under the Hohenzollerns, a fantasy about a future German invasion and occupation of Britain. Munro was homosexual at a time when in Britain sexual activity between men was a crime. The Cleveland Street scandal (1889), followed by the downfall of Oscar Wilde (1895), meant "that side of Munro's life had to be secret".
Wikipedia page

1878:

Joseph Stalin, Georgian-Russian Marshal and Politician, 4th Premier of the Soviet Union, is Born

Stalin was born in the Georgian town of Gori on 18 December [O.S. 6 December] 1878. He was the son of Besarion Jughashvili and Ekaterine Geladze. Besarion was a shoemaker and owned his own workshop; it was initially a financial success, but later fell into decline. The family found themselves living in poverty, moving through nine different rented rooms in ten years. Besarion became an alcoholic, and drunkenly beat his wife and son. To escape the abusive relationship, Keke took Stalin and moved into the house of a family friend, Father Christopher Charkviani. She worked as a house cleaner and launderer for local families sympathetic to her plight. Keke was determined to send her son to school, something that none of the family had previously achieved. In late 1888, aged 10 Stalin enrolled at the Gori Church School. This was normally reserved for the children of clergy, although Charkviani ensured that the boy received a place. Stalin excelled academically, displaying talent in painting and drama classes, writing his own poetry, and singing as a choirboy. He got into many fights, and a childhood friend later noted that Stalin "was the best but also the naughtiest pupil" in the class. Stalin faced several severe health problems; in 1884, he contracted smallpox and was left with facial pock scars. Aged 12, he was seriously injured after being hit by a phaeton (style of horse-drawn carriage), which was the likely cause of a lifelong disability to his left arm. In October 1899, Stalin began work as a meteorologist at a Tiflis observatory. He attracted a group of supporters through his classes in socialist theory, and co-organised a secret workers' mass meeting for May Day 1900, at which he successfully encouraged many of the men to take strike action. By this point, the empire's secret police—the Okhrana—were aware of Stalin's activities within Tiflis' revolutionary milieu. They attempted to arrest him in March 1901, but he escaped and went into hiding, living off the donations of friends and sympathizers. Remaining underground, he helped plan a demonstration for May Day 1901, in which 3,000 marchers clashed with the authorities. He continued to evade arrest by using aliases and sleeping in different apartments. In November 1901, he was elected to the Tiflis Committee of the Russian Social Democratic Labour Party (RSDLP), a Marxist party founded in 1898.
Wikipedia page

Jassim bin Mohammed Al Thani Succeeds His Father Mohammed bin Thani as Ruler of the Qatari Peninsula.

He is deemed to have unified all the local tribes by combating external forces, such as the British, Thereby Unifying Qatar. He also earned a considerable degree of autonomy for the tribes of the peninsula.
Wikipedia page

1879 Paul Klee, Swiss-German Artist, is Born.

His Writings on Form and Design Theory (Schriften zur Form und Gestaltungslehre), Published in English as the Paul Klee Notebooks, are held to be as important for modern art as Leonardo da Vinci's A Treatise on Painting for the Renaissance.
Wikipedia page

1884:

A Petition on Métis Grievances is Endorsed by a Committee of French and English Representatives in the Electoral District of Lorne. It is Ultimately Ignored by Ottawa

Canada Channel article scroll to 1884 for info Canadian Encyclopedia article w/ info on the Grievances and the Northwest Rebellion

Emil Starkenstein, Czech Pharmacologist and Co-Founder of Clinical Pharmacology, is Born

Emil Starkenstein was born in the Bohemian (now Czech) town of Poběžovice, (Ronsperg) to Jewish German parents. The family had many members who became local physician. Prof. Starkenstein researched and published a family tree in 1927 which traced his family roots as far back as 1350 and included such figures as R. Benjamin Wolf (1777-1851), R.Eleasar Löw, R. Moses Isserles (1520–72), and several in the Katzenelbogen line, including R.Saul Wahl Katzenelbogen who, according to the glossary of the family tree, 'became king of Poland for one night after the death of Stephen Bathory. Starkstein was killed in the Mauthausen-Gusen concentration camp along with a few hundred refugees from Amsterdam after an incident in which a Dutch Jew resisted a Nazi patrol.
Wikipedia page

1890 Edwin Howard Armstrong, American Engineer, Inventor of FM Radio, is Born

Wikipedia page

1892 Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky's Ballet "Nutcracker Suite" Premieres in St. Petersburg

Wikipedia page

1898 Gaston de Chasseloup-Laubat Sets the First Officially Recognized Land Speed Record of 39.245 mph (63.159 km/h) In a Jeantaud Electric Car.

Wikipedia page

1899 Peter Wessel Zapffe, Norwegian Philosopher and Author Noted for His Philosophically Pessimistic and Fatalistic View of Human Existence, is Born

Zapffe's view is that humans are born with an overdeveloped skill (understanding, self-knowledge) which does not fit into nature's design. The human craving for justification on matters such as life and death cannot be satisfied, hence humanity has a need that nature cannot satisfy. The tragedy, following this theory, is that humans spend all their time trying not to be human. The human being, therefore, is a paradox. In The Last Messiah Zapffe described four principal defense mechanisms that humankind uses to avoid facing this paradox:
Isolation is "a fully arbitrary dismissal from consciousness of all disturbing and destructive thought and feeling".
Anchoring is the "fixation of points within, or construction of walls around, the liquid fray of consciousness". The anchoring mechanism provides individuals a value or an ideal that allows them to focus their attentions in a consistent manner. Zapffe also applied the anchoring principle to society, and stated "God, the Church, the State, morality, fate, the laws of life, the people, the future" are all examples of collective primary anchoring firmaments.
Distraction is when "one limits attention to the critical bounds by constantly enthralling it with impressions". Distraction focuses all of one's energy on a task or idea to prevent the mind from turning in on itself.
Sublimation is the refocusing of energy away from negative outlets, toward positive ones. The individuals distance themselves and look at their existence from an aesthetic point of view (e.g., writers, poets, painters). Zapffe himself pointed out that his produced works were the product of sublimation.
Zapffe was a prolific mountaineer and took a very early interest in environmentalism. This form of nature conservationism sprung from the intent, not of protecting nature, but to avoid human culturalization of nature.
Wikipedia page

1912 Benjamin O. Davis, Jr. Who Would Go On to Command the Tuskegee Airmen, and Eventually Reach 4-Star General, is Born

Davis flew sixty missions in P-39, Curtiss P-40, P-47 and P-51 Mustang fighters. Davis followed in his father's footsteps in breaking racial barriers, as Benjamin O. Davis Sr. was the first African-American general in the United States Army.
Wikipedia article

1913:

The King of Spain Signs a Law Granting Provinces the Right to Group Themselves Into Associations Such as the Catalan Commonwealth

Wikipedia page

Willy Brandt, 4th Chancellor of Germany and 1st Social Democrat Chancellor of Germany, is Born

Leader of the Social Democratic Party of Germany (SPD) from 1964 to 1987 and served as Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) from 1969 to 1974. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1971 for his efforts to strengthen cooperation in western Europe through the EEC and to achieve reconciliation between West Germany and the countries of Eastern Europe. Fleeing to Norway and then Sweden during the Nazi regime and working as a left-wing journalist, he took the name Willy Brandt as a pseudonym to avoid detection by Nazi agents, and then formally adopted the name in 1948. Brandt was originally considered one of the leaders of the right wing of the SPD, and earned initial fame as Governing Mayor of West Berlin. He served as Foreign Minister and as Vice Chancellor in Kurt Georg Kiesinger's cabinet, and became chancellor in 1969. As chancellor, he maintained West Germany's close alignment with the United States and focused on strengthening European integration in western Europe, while launching the new policy of Ostpolitik aimed at improving relations with Eastern Europe. Brandt was controversial on both the right wing, for his Ostpolitik, and on the left wing, for his support of American policies, including the Vietnam War, and right-wing authoritarian regimes. The Brandt Report became a recognised measure for describing the general North-South divide in world economics and politics between an affluent North and a poor South. Brandt was also known for his fierce anti-communist policies at the domestic level, culminating in the Radikalenerlass (Anti-Radical Decree) in 1972. Brandt resigned as chancellor in 1974, after Günter Guillaume, one of his closest aides, was exposed as an agent of the Stasi, the East German secret service.
Wikipedia page

1915 Fred D. Shepard, an American Physician and Relief Worker, Witness to the Hamidian Massacres, Adana Massacres, and the Armenian Genocide, Known for Saving Many Lives, Dies of Typhus Contracted From Deportees

Wikipedia page

1916:

The Battle of Verdun Ends When German Forces Under Chief of Staff Erich von Falkenhayn are Defeated by the French, and Suffer 337,000 Casualties.

Wikipedia page

Douglas Fraser, Scottish-American Trade Union Leader and Academic, is Born

Fraser was born in Glasgow, Scotland, on December 28, 1916. His father, Samuel, was an electrician and an active and vocal trade unionist. The family was so poor that his father, who worked at a brewery, would sometimes fuel the family stove with stolen whiskey. Samuel Fraser moved to Detroit, Michigan, while his son was still a young boy, in 1922. Samuel, his mother, Douglas, his sister, and his brother sailed to New York City aboard the SS Cameronia and were inspected at Ellis Island on April 23, 1923. They traveled to their new home in Detroit by train. Douglas was deeply influenced by the Great Depression. His father was out of work for long periods, and he admitted that the poverty and social disorder that he witnessed changed his life. He was president of the United Auto Workers from 1977 to 1983 and an adjunct professor of labor relations at Wayne State University for many years. He is best remembered for helping to save Chrysler from bankruptcy in 1979 by heavily lobbying the US Congress for a loan and convincing workers to make concessions. [Sidenote- Sure sounds like a class traitor]
Wikipedia page

1917:

Soviet-Russian-Government Declares Finland Independent

On 18 December (31 December N. S.) the Soviet Russian government issued a decree recognizing Finland's independence, and on 22 December (4 January 1918 N. S.) it was approved by the highest Soviet executive body, the All-Russian Central Executive Committee (VTsIK).
Wikipedia page

The 18th Amendment, Authorizing Prohibition of Alcohol, is Approved by the US Congress and Sent to the States for Ratification.

In the House, the vote was 282 to 128, with the Democrats voting 141 in favor and 64 in opposition; and the Republicans voting 137 in favor and 62 in opposition. Four Independents in the House voted in favor and two Independents cast votes against the amendment. It was officially proposed by the Congress to the states when the Senate passed the resolution, by a vote of 47 to 8, the next day, December 18.
Wikipedia page

The Armistice of Erzincan is Signed

The agreement between the Ottoman Empire and the Transcaucasian Commissariat brought peace to the Caucasian and Persian Fronts until the 12th of February. Despite the fact that the Transcaucasian Commissariat still considered itself part of the Russian Republic, who had an armistice with the Ottoman Empire covering those fronts (the Brest-Litovsk armistice), the Ottoman Empire considered the Transcaucasian Commissariat as an independent entity and legal successor to the Russian Empire
Wikipedia page

1918 The Workers' Defense Union (US) is Formally Founded

The group was organized by Industrial Workers of the World organizer Elizabeth Gurley Flynn, working closely with radical trade unionist Fred Biedenkapp. Both would subsequently become active members of the Workers (Communist) Party of America. The WDU became a local affiliate the American Civil Liberties Union in 1920.
Wikipedia page

1922:

A Three Day Terror Campaign Targeting the Local Labour Movement in the Italian City of Turin, Known as the 1922 Turin Massacre, Perpetrated by Fascist Squads Led by Piero Brandimarte, Begins, Killing 11 and Seriously Injuring 10.

Wikipedia page

Esther Lederberg, American Microbiologist, is Born

A pioneer of bacterial genetics. Notable contributions include the discovery of the bacterial virus λ, the transfer of genes between bacteria by specialized transduction, the development of replica plating, and the discovery of the bacterial fertility factor F (F plasmid). Lederberg also founded and directed the now-defunct Plasmid Reference Center at Stanford University, where she maintained, named, and distributed plasmids of many types, including those coding for antibiotic resistance, heavy metal resistance, virulence, conjugation, colicins, transposons, and other unknown factors. Lederberg was excluded from writing a chapter in the 1966 book Phage and the Origins of Molecular Biology, a commemoration of molecular biology. According to the science historian Prina Abir-Am, her exclusion was "incomprehensible" because of her important discoveries in bacteriophage genetics. Abir-Am attributed her exclusion in part to the sexism that prevailed during the 1960s.
Wikipedia page

1923 International Zone of Tangier Set Up in Morocco

The Tangier International Zone (Arabic: منطقة طنجة الدولية‎ Minṭaqat Ṭanja ad-Dawliyya, French: Zone Internationale de Tanger, Spanish: Zona Internacional de Tánger) was a 373-square-kilometre (144 sq mi) international zone centered on the city of Tangier, Morocco, then under French and Spanish protectorate, under the joint administration of France, Spain, and the United Kingdom (later Portugal, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, Sweden, and the United States), that existed from 1924 until its reintegration into independent Morocco in 1956. The zone was governed in accordance with the Tangier Protocol, although the Sultan of Morocco retained nominal sovereignty over the zone and jurisdiction over the native population. The international zone of Tangier had, by 1939, a population of about 60,000 inhabitants and 150,000 by 1950.
Wikipedia page

1925 The 14th Congress of the All-Union Communist Party is Held in Moscow

Wikipedia page

1932 Augustin Alfred Joseph Paul-Boncour, Member of the Republican-Socialist Party, Takes Office as 71st Prime-Minister of France

Wikipedia page

1934 Boris Volynov, Russian Colonel, Engineer, and Astronaut, is Born

A Soviet cosmonaut who flew two space missions of the Soyuz programme: Soyuz 5, and Soyuz 21. He was the first Jewish cosmonaut to enter space, preceding Judith Resnik in the United States.
Wikipedia page

1935 The Lanka Equal Society Party, a Sri Lankan Trotskyist Party, is Founded. It Would be Expelled from the 4th International in 1964 After Joining a Coalition Government

Wikipedia page

1936 The Public Order Act of 1936, An Act of the Parliament of the United Kingdom Passed to Control Extremist Political Movements, Receives Royal Assent

Wikipedia page

1939:

The Battle of the Heligoland Bight, the First Named Air Battle of the War, Takes Place, Beginning the Longest Air Campaign of the War, the Defense of the Reich

On 3 September 1939, the United Kingdom declared war on Nazi Germany after the German invasion of Poland, which started the European War. The British did not assist Poland by land or sea, but over the ensuing weeks, RAF Bomber Command flew several missions against German targets. A number of these air raids were directed at Kriegsmarine (German Navy) warships in German ports to prevent their use in the Battle of the Atlantic. With the front lines static between September 1939 and May 1940, a period known as the "Phoney War" set in, with little fighting on land or in the air. However, at sea, German U-boat (submarine) forces were taking a considerable toll of Allied shipping. The Air Ministry decided to launch an attack on German surface ships to prevent them supporting the U-boats in the North Atlantic. On 18 December 1939, a force of three RAF bomber squadrons was sent to engage German ships in the Heligoland Bight and sink or damage as many as possible.
Wikipedia page

The Battle of Kunlun Pass Begins, Eventually Resulting the First Major Victory for the Chinese Army Since the Battle of Wuhan in October 1938, at the Cost of 23,816 Chinese and 8,100+ Japanese Casualties.

Wikipedia page

Hitler Sends Birthday Telegram to Stalin

Mr. JOSEPH STALIN,
Please accept my most sincere congratulations on your sixtieth birthday. I take this occasion to tender my best wishes. I wish you personally good health and a happy future for the peoples of the friendly Soviet Union.
ADOLF HITLER
Merely a year later he would sign a directive to invade the Soviet Union.
WW2 Today Article

Ernest Lawson, Canadian-American Painter, Drowns

A member of The Eight, a group of artists who formed a loose association in 1908 to protest the narrowness of taste and restrictive exhibition policies of the conservative, powerful National Academy of Design. Depressed and in declining health, he drowned under mysterious circumstances in 1939, apparently while swimming on Miami Beach. Friends wondered if Lawson's death had been a suicide.
Wikipedia page

1940:

Adolf Hitler Signs Directive 21, "Operation Barbarossa," the First Operational Order for the Invasion of the Soviet Union

Wikipedia page (scroll to 1940)

1941:

Japanese Troops Land on Hong Kong

On 15 December, the Japanese began systematic bombardment of the island's North Shore. Two demands for surrender were made on 13 and 17 December. When these were rejected, Japanese forces crossed the harbour on the evening of 18 December and landed on the island's north-east. They suffered only light casualties, although no effective command could be maintained until the dawn came. That night, approximately 20 Commonwealth gunners were executed at the Sai Wan Battery despite having surrendered.[citation needed] There was a further massacre of prisoners, this time of medical staff, in the Salesian Mission on Chai Wan Road. In both cases, a few men survived.
Wikipedia page

Dmitry Fyodorovich Lavrinenko, the Highest Scoring Tank Ace of the Allies During World War II (By Kill Frequency), is Killed in Action

Commanding the new T-34/76, he achieved 58 tanks and self-propelled guns eliminations in 1941 during Operation Barbarossa. Lavrinenko was killed just after freeing the village of Goryuny and knocking out his 52nd tank. Immediately after the action the Germans began shelling the village intensively. Lavrinenko got out of his T-34 near the village and tried to reach the commander of the 17th Armoured Brigade, Lt Col N. Chernoyarov, in order to report his victory but he was killed by a German mortar shell fragment. On May 5, 1990 he was posthumously awarded the title of Hero of the Soviet Union.
Wikipedia page

The War Powers Act of 1941, Increasing Federal Power During World War II, is Signed by President Franklin D. Roosevelt

Wikipedia page

1943:

A Mass Execution of 118 Civilians by the Nazi SS, in Reprisal Against Greek Resistance Known as the Drakeia Massacre, Occurs in the Village of Drakeia on Mount Pelion

Wikipedia page

1944 Korematsu v. United States, a Landmark United States Supreme Court Case Concerning the Constitutionality of Executive Order 9066, Which Ordered Japanese Americans into Internment Camps During World War II Regardless of Their Citizenship, is Decided in Favor of the Government

Wikipedia page

1946:

Bantu Stephen Biko, South African Activist, is Born

Ideologically an African nationalist and African socialist, he was at the forefront of a grassroots anti-apartheid campaign known as the Black Consciousness Movement during the late 1960s and 1970s. His ideas were articulated in a series of articles published under the pseudonym Frank Talk. In 1977, Biko broke his banning order by travelling to Cape Town, hoping to meet Unity Movement leader Neville Alexander and deal with growing dissent in the Western Cape branch of the BCM, which was dominated by Marxists like Johnny Issel. Biko drove to the city with his friend Peter Jones on 17 August, but Alexander refused to meet with Biko, fearing that he was being monitored by the police. Biko and Jones drove back toward King William's Town, but on 18 August they were stopped at a police roadblock near Grahamstown. Biko was arrested for having violated the order restricting him to King William's Town. Unsubstantiated claims have been made that the security services were aware of Biko's trip to Cape Town and that the road block had been erected to catch him. Jones was also arrested at the roadblock; he was subsequently held without trial for 533 days, during which he was interrogated on numerous occasions. The security services took Biko to the Walmer police station in Port Elizabeth, where he was held naked in a cell with his legs in shackles. On 6 September, he was transferred from Walmer to room 619 of the security police headquarters in the Sanlam Building in central Port Elizabeth, where he was interrogated for 22 hours, handcuffed and in shackles, and chained to a grille. Exactly what happened has never been ascertained, but during the interrogation he was severely beaten by at least one of the ten security police officers. He suffered three brain lesions that resulted in a massive brain haemorrhage on 6 September. Following this incident, Biko's captors forced him to remain standing and shackled to the wall. The police later said that Biko had attacked one of them with a chair, forcing them to subdue him and place him in handcuffs and leg irons. Biko was examined by a doctor, Ivor Lang, who stated that there was no evidence of injury on Biko. Later scholarship has suggested Biko's injuries must have been obvious. He was then examined by two other doctors who, after a test showed blood cells to have entered Biko's spinal fluid, agreed that he should be transported to a prison hospital in Pretoria. On 11 September, police loaded him into the back of a Land Rover, naked and manacled, and drove him 740 miles (1,190 km) to the hospital. There, Biko died alone in a cell on 12 September 1977. According to an autopsy, an "extensive brain injury" had caused "centralisation of the blood circulation to such an extent that there had been intravasal blood coagulation, acute kidney failure, and uremia". He was the twenty-first person to die in a South African prison in twelve months, and the forty-sixth political detainee to die during interrogation since the government introduced laws permitting imprisonment without trial in 1963.
Wikipedia page

Steven Spielberg, American Director, Producer, and Screenwriter, Co-Founder of DreamWorks, is Born

Wikipedia page

1949 Bulgarian Parliamentary Elections are Held, the First Legislative Elections Held Under Undisguised "Communist" Rule.

With all meaningful opposition having been destroyed, voters were presented with a single list from the Fatherland Front, dominated by the Bulgarian Communist Party. According to official figures, almost 4.7 million people turned out to vote and only 980 of them voted against the list, while another 109,963 ballots were invalid or blank. Voter turnout was reportedly 98.9 percent.
Wikipedia page

1950:

Harry S. Truman Establishes the Nevada Test Site

Wikipedia page

First Canadian Troops Arrive in Korea

Radio Canada article

1956 Japan Becomes 69th Member of the UN

Nice.
Wikipedia article

1957 World's 1st Full Scale Nuclear Power Plant Begins to Generate Electricity, at the Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania

Wikipedia page

1958:

Project SCORE, World’s First Communications Satellite Launched from Cape Canaveral

Launched aboard an American Atlas rocket, SCORE provided a first test of a communications relay system in space, as well as the first successful use of the Atlas as a launch vehicle. It captured world attention by broadcasting a Christmas message via shortwave radio from U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower through an on-board tape recorder.
Wikipedia page

Niger Gains Autonomy Within French Community

18 December 1958 marks the founding of the Republic and creation of the Presidency of the Republic of Niger, following the constitutional changes of the French Fifth Republic, and the elections of 4 December 1958 held across The French Colonial possessions. Nigeriens consider that date to be the founding of their national institutions. Between 18 December 1958 and 3 August 1960, Niger remained a semi-autonomous Republic within the French Community. At the beginning of 1960 a revision of the French Community allowed membership of independent states, and on 28 July the Nigerien Legislative Assembly became the Nigerien National Assembly: Independence was declared on 3 August 1960.
Wikipedia page#Importance_of_date)

The Bell XV-3 Tiltrotor, an Experimental VTOL Aircraft, Makes the First True Mid-Air Transition from Vertical Helicopter-Type Flight to Fully Level Fixed Wing Flight

Wikipedia page

1961 India Annexes Portuguese Colonies of Goa, Daman & Diu

The Annexation of Goa was the process in which the Republic of India annexed the former Portuguese Indian territories of Goa, Daman and Diu, starting with the "armed action" carried out by the Indian Armed Forces in December 1961. By 5:00 in the afternoon, all but the capital had been taken. The Portuguese warship NRP Afonso de Albuquerque traded fire with the Indian Navy ship INS Betwa and was destroyed, with five of the crew killed. The Portuguese Governor-general, Manuel António Vassalo e Silva, declined to follow a cabled order from Portugal's Prime Minister António de Oliveira Salazar that prohibited surrender and closed with "Our soldiers or sailors must conquer or die." Depending on the view, this action is referred as the "Liberation of Goa" or the "Invasion of Goa."
Wikipedia page

1962 USSR Performs Nuclear Tests at Novaya Zemlya with Yields of 110kt and 69kt

Nice.
Wikipedia page
submitted by logallama to MutualSupport [link] [comments]


2017.08.20 19:42 ICanGetLoudTooWTF [Race Report] Demi-Marathon de Lachine (My first report!!)

Race information

Goals

Goal Description Completed?
Bonus Top 100 Yes
A < 1:40 Yes
B < 1:45 Yes

Pictures

Splits

Kilometer Time
1 4:14
2 4:27
3 4:27
4 4:39
5 4:23
6 4:36
7 4:42
8 4:34
9 4:32
10 4:45
11 4:42
12 4:37
13 4:38
14 4:34
15 4:32
16 4:30
17 4:33
18 4:17
19 4:43
20 4:34
21 4:16
22 3:31

My 'lil Running Background (since this is my first report)

I started running 18 months ago in Feb 2016. I met a girl at a party who I kind of knew, but didn't really know that well. She wanted to run a half-marathon. I had "run" before (maybe 10k, once a month), and wanted motivation to run more, as well as wanting to get to know her better. Well I gave her my number, we signed up for the half that was 12 weeks away the next day, and I was in. We started training together, then we started dating. I had motivation because I wanted to impress her, running was "our" thing. In retrospect I see I wasn't really doing it for myself. Fast forward to that first race, I had been sick the whole week before, I puke during and after, but there was no way I wasn't finishing and I finished with a (disappointing) time of 2:12. We sign up for another race in October, break up (not on good terms) just before it. I run my little heart out in that race to prove to myself I can do things for myself and not just for approval from her, finish it in 1:52. I sign up for another half in the spring, finish that one in 1:46. At this point I felt like I wasn't gaining anything from doing any more halfs so I sign up for my first full marathon, which is taking place in October!

Training

I'm currently training for a marathon on a 16 week plan (about half way through). I signed up for this "tune up" race last monday because I saw an ad, it takes place on a beautiful course (along the lachine canal in Montreal) and I wanted to see how much I had improved since I started seriously training (50-60km a week, including one hill, one speed training run a week). Yeah, so I'm following the Runkeeper Sub 3:45 Marathon training plan, originally was on Sub 4 hour, but felt it wasn't challenging enough so changed plans about a month ago. (I went Vegetarian this summer too, if that context is needed).

Pre-race

Yesterday I made a huge batch of Marinara sauce. (shouts out to NYT Cooking) (shouts out to San Marzano tomatoes) (dont @ me if you don't use San Marzano tomatoes for your marinara) I had gnocchi for lunch and penne for dinner. Went to bed early because I would have to be waking up at 6:15. Woke up at 5:45 out of excitement/anxiety. Had a bagel with peanut butter. Tried to poop, couldn't poop. Got anxious about not being able to poop. Left for the metro station. Got to metro station (15 min walk), realized I forgot my bib. Jogged home, and back to metro station. This put me 30 minutes behind schedule. I had only given myself 30 minute buffer. Took metro to a stop that's a bus ride away from race start. Bus wasn't coming for 30 minutes, would've been late to race if took bus. Ponied up the money for a cab. This hurt me (I am of Jewish heritage), but was worth it.

Race

Main goal was to beat 1:40. If I wasn't able to do that I was satisfied with beating my previous PB. I had run a 10k earlier this week in 45:30, so I was confident. My game-plan was just to stay at 4:45 splits then evaluate myself at 10k and speed up if I was able to, this would get me in under 1:40. Well, I came out fast in a front pack, and realized I was keeping pace pretty well. Then my goal became to keep pace and after every 5 minutes when I would get my pace update from RunKeeper, just make sure that the next interval was under a 4:45 pace. This strategy worked well and I was able to keep every single split <4:45, even being able to sprint in the home stretch. This led me to a PB time of 1:36, 10 minutes better than my previous PB!!!

Post-race

Feeling amazing and more confident/ready than ever for my first marathon in 2 months, I went over to the tents where they were giving free physio! Got some help with my calves and a mini massage. Then I bought a draught beer, downed it in under 5 seconds and indulged in 4 cookies, fruit roll ups and clif bar. Took about 6 Clif bars to keep at home though (see earlier comment about my heritage). Metro'd home and bought a Poutine (post race tradition) and a gatorade, and indulged some more. Now I'm more excited then ever for my first marathon! I love this sub and (partially) credit you guys with my motivation for getting up every morning with this new found addiction.
EDIT They just released results, and I ended up placing 57/949, WOW. I knew I was in front pack, but didn't realize the accomplishment! PS. It says that my category is 19 and under, but I'm 21 so I don't know how/why that happened. (slide into those dm's if you're in MTL and wanna run together)
This post was generated using the new race reportr, a tool built by BBQLays for making organized, easy-to-read, and beautiful race reports.
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